It's Friday! That means it's a double-quote day!



The Optimist: "I have no friends, no family, no money, no food, no job, no credit, no luck, no hope, and no future. However, I do have matches, toothpicks, chewing gum, paper clips, rubber bands, shoelaces, and Scotch Tape. Maybe things aren't so bad."



"Never buy two different garments of the same type at the same time, such as two sport shirts. Inevitably, you will like one better than the other and you will choose to wear it every time. The second one will always remain second choice and it will stay in the closet, coming out only occasionally, when you hold it in front of you at arms' length and decide not to wear it. Here's how you handle this problem: Exercise a little discipline at the store and buy just one shirt. Then, if you like it, wait a month and buy another. That's it. Next, I'm gonna work on nuclear proliferation."

[I especially like this quote because it is so true. Whether it's jeans, notepads, hair clips, socks... if I buy more than one, I always end up favoring one of them and using it far more than the other, which means I could've saved the money from the second one and just bought the first, favored one. But there are a few occasions when the second one is the favored one--so then what?]



--George Carlin

"Sometimes, when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back."



--George Carlin

"Whenever I see a large group of people, I wonder how many of them will eventually require autopsies."



--George Carlin

"A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed.' "



--George Carlin

"A children's museum sounds like a good idea, but I would imagine it's not easy to breathe inside those little glass cases."

--George Carlin

This week we will be enjoying the wit and (sometimes questionable) wisdom of George Carlin.

On the topic of parental bumper stickers he'd like to see:
" 'We are the proud parents of a child whose self-esteem is such that he doesn't need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.' That would be refreshing.
'We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teacher's attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters.' A little Marxist, but what's wrong with that?"