Have you had your Denny Crane / Alan Shore moment today?

Brad Chase: Uh, I think that's my seat.
Alan Shore: Yes, I did see someone's things here. I moved them to a less desirable location.

Brad: I outrank you.
Alan: And I'm such a slut for authority.

Denny Crane: May I express a thought, because I so rarely get one... and I should preface this by saying that I'm so far up the ass of big business I view the world as one giant colon.

Denny: Now, Alan, if all else fails and you think you've lost, pretend you've won! Works for our President.

Alan: Let me tell you two things about myself. I too am a lawyer, I can be painfully vindictive, and I do not play fair.
Lester Tremont: That's three things.
Alan: See? Not playing fair already. And I'm just getting started.

Alan: You know, we have a little saying in Massachusetts: "Maybe someday you'll get horribly sick and die."

Judge Sean O'Byrne: I find it insulting to be lectured by an American about the environment.
Denny: Watch it, Judge. We're a superpower. Don't make us add you to the axis.

Denny: Did something happen? ... Was I in the room when it happened?

Sally Heep: Is that fair?
Alan: I don't understand the question.

Denny: Ban red meat--that cannot pass constitutional mustard.
Shirley Schmidt: The word is "muster," Denny, but you're right, the law lacks condiments.

Denny: You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. He thinks he's Denny Crane."